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11:38 a.m.
uhg, i hope i don't get a yeast infection this summer. they are so gross.

10:47 a.m.
we might have red sox tickets for tomorrow! keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

7:13 a.m.
if i miss not getting at least two metamucils or benefiber servings a day, i have the most painful bowel movements that stop up our toilet. things just aren't working for me. i might go to the doctor about it soon.

6:50 a.m.
this is awful. no ipod for me. i might buy a cheap one and then buy a better one in the fall when i have the money. i am heartbroken.

5:15 p.m.
first, my car radio broke today. i put the tape converter thing in so i could listen to the itune. well, it was quiet and now the tape converter won't come out and the thing won't even come on. even the anti-theft light won't flash.

then, i was riding my bike and i had the itune on the rack, just like always, but something happened and it fell off. it was in the street. someone ran over it. it worked fine for about 40 minutes but then stopped and said it needed to be restored.

mittens is fixing it for me now. man, i hope he can fix it. i'll be so sad without it.

5:26 p.m.
my boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with me. you might think i'm joking or being dramatic, but i'm not. i've been the person who doesn't want to sleep with the other person; i know what that person does. it's always something. his back hurts or he's hungry or there's a baseball game. what the fuck? this sucks. mittens is the only person i want to do it with. but he doesn't want to do it with me.

9:19 p.m.
man, i was totally a chola when i was in high school. even though i was white.

9:12 p.m.
i'd like to have a subscription to consumer reports. i fucking love that magazine.

i'm off work next week. during that time i will do the following:

1. clean the basement
2. keep looking for a nuevo job
3. chill with raoul and oscar
4. sleep late
5. ride my bike!!!
6. go for walks with mittens
7. chill with alyssa who has been kind enough to accept my request that she help me fix my clothes

it should be a chill week.

5:23 p.m.
i've just been feeling so very down lately.

7:59 p.m.
so i was at cvs just now. i got a coupon that if i buy two things of metamucil, i would get $10 in cvs bucks. well, you see, it wasn't a coupon, it was a display and yes, i was looking at the fiber suppliments because it's been a painful process lately and i think i'm not getting enough fiber in my diet. so i looked it up on the internet and it said you should try to get more fiber.

anyway, i got the coupon and decided that i would by a hair brush. i haven't owned a hair brush in about 15 years since i've got such curly hair, but i decided i might try to brush it while i blow dry it so it's straight instead of curly. i doubt it will work, but i didn't actually pay for the brush, so i'm not stressed out or anything.

the tag on the brush said it was $10, but it was only $7. i didn't want to waste the extra bucks, so i grabbed two packages of gum to go with it. i said to the guys, "the lady behind me is going to get angry." it still wasn't $10, so i grabbed one more package of gum. i again said, "the lady is going to get angry," only this time, i turned around to look. it wasn't a lady at all. it was a man who looked just like neil young or mike myers in the movie "54." i said, "oh, sorry, it's not a lady," and ran out of the store. i didn't know what else to do.

8:15 a.m.
it's been a long time since i've updated this diaryland. i've just been so tired and really, there hasn't been much to say. bike season is so close, if only it would stop raining for just one weekend, just one weekend already.

oooh, i had a job interview. but what was the first thing the guy asked? "at first i was a little concerned about your art background, but then i noticed you have 120 pdps in math. how prepared are you to teach advanced math?" "well, i've taught a lot of algebra and geometry, but i haven't taught algebra ii. however, he didn't end the interview immediately by saying, "we're really looking for someone who has a lot of math experience," so i'm thinking they are looking for a really great special ed. teacher (like me!) who can deal with the math.

so all together i've put out about 20 resumes to different schools in boston public schools. i'd like to keep trying there before i try anywhere else because the commute is so easy. the pay is good, too.

also, i'm just 5 lbs away from my latest goal. and i've got only 15 lbs to go to finally finish! woot.

12:51 p.m.
i saw the new $5 bill yesterday. it was so cool!

10:52 a.m.
this guy javier bardem is so fucking hot. oh man, i'm like on fire.

6:14 p.m.
i'm still sick. this is no good, you know. i really need to go to work tomorrow, but how can i if i'm still sick. if i go, i really need to teach. i think i will go. i'm ready to be out of this house. i have to work for two weeks, then we have spring break off. so that's what's up. i'm still sick.

have i mentioned, ever, how much i really, really, really dislike old people. i can't stand them. they are gross. i hate them and i never want to be around them.

today i got my nails done while i was down in revere getting my car back from the mechanic. the girl who does them started telling me about her mother and grandfather coming over from vietnam for a funeral they have to go to. she kept telling me that her mother was going to have to come becaus her grandfather is dead and couldn't talk to anyone. i couldn't figure out what she was talking about, but then i figured out she meant that he was deaf, not dead. i said, "oh, you mean he's deaf, i though you were saying he was dead." she said, "oh, deaf. yes. i was saying he was dead." we laughed. she's really getting so chatty. it makes me so happy that she is becoming more comfortable with her english.

10:43 p.m.
mittens is home!!!!!!

and ready to annoy!

"i'm sick, come on."

what the hell is the deal with people having kids? i mean really. nobody my age should have a 10 year old child. when you are twenty, you really shouldn't be allowed to make the decision about whether you want kids. a twenty year old isn't capabable of deciding that she wants to be dedicated to someone else for the rest of her life. same thing with people who get married and stuff at that age.

8:25 p.m.
so i'm trying ht wizz rss reader for firefox. i've been wanting a sidebar reader and this one seems okay. i just wish it would check for messages me often than every 10 minutes, you know. otherwise, i like it.

6:30 p.m.
you should see my hair, by the way. i washed it and styled it sunday night, but i haven't done anything to it since. i had it in a pony tail for a while. otherwise, i look like a haute couture model. i'm beautiful.


6:25 p.m.
home sick, day iii. today my nose isn't stopped up because i've been going crazy with the afrin spray. instead i just feel all nauseated and gross. however, i have discovered the show "real housewives of new york." it's awesome. what do you think?

9:03 a.m.
is it wrong to drink espresso with a little milk in it? i love having that every morning.

8:53 a.m.
so i fell down the stairs yesterday. i fell backwwards and slid on my bottom from about the third stair down all the way to the bottom where the stairs curve. it hurt. then i woke up during the night with a horrible pain when i turned over. i thought i'd really done something wrong to myself.

now, i'm mostly fine, except i can't really sit down for more than a couple of minutes. there aren't any bruises, but it sure feels like there should be. ouch.

i think i just like saying, "i think i broke my butt." and, "don't worry, my butt is fine."

real mature, i know.

10:38 p.m.
man, i can't even begin to talk about how happy i am that i'm not very grown up. like, i don't exchange parenting tips or anything. and i still make sex jokes and stuff. it's awesome.

9:57 p.m.


4:34 p.m.
so i hadn't remembered that the CEC conference is here this year until i got an email reply from lucky. she will be here next weekend. yay!

2:17 p.m.
i'm sick. booooo!

it's clearly a head cold. all of the kids have it. it seems to be pretty short lived though.

i can't stop thinking about that job i applied for. i've applied for one at another alternative school as well, but i'm really hoping i get the one at cts. keep thinking of me. thanks!

6:44 p.m.
1. Education: Hold a Master' degree.
2. Experience teaching in urban schools.
3. Demonstrated experience or skills in differentiated instruction.
4. Experience working with bilingual/multicultural students
5. Demonstrated ability to work in a team setting.
6. Demonstrated ability to work with rolling admissions.
7. Experience working with at-risk populations (specifically over age, under credited)."

hello. have you met me?

6:22 p.m.
so here's what's up. i'm not happy at my job. i love the kids and i love teaching and i love doing the assessment stuff, but i hate my boss and i hate supervising people and i really hate that we make so much less money than public school teachers.

i was supposed to meet with my boss today. she did not show up. and that was the last straw.

so i walked back to the school, went in the computer room, shut the door and went on the boston public school website, just to see what was out there.

okay, so i've been dying to call habiba at the community transition school. cts is the school many of our most serious offenders attend after they leave. they go there and just kind of prove that they are ready to re-enter public school. but i knew it would be wrong to call her and tell her to let me know if they had a math opening.

now, i was looking at the bps website at some jobs. and what do i see? cts has a math position. it was posted on 3/11, so they are likely looking for someone for next school year. if i can meet with them soon, i might be able to have my MA teaching license by the time the school year starts (hopefully!).

so tonight i'm going to be working on my resume so i will be able to submit it. this is very exciting. i hope the position is still open. i try to call habiba monday and let her know that i've submitted and application.

this is awesome!

9:25 p.m.
that new madonna song is fabulous. until she gets to the part about how it's only four minutes to save the world or something. why does she have to try to be smart? why can't she just make a good song. even the way she sings that part is stupid.

mittens is on vacation in la this week. he left this morning and will be back next wednesday. i'm sad. it's lonely here already.

10:27 p.m.
damn it. why do i have to be so weird? i mean, really. it's a joke, right? that i am so fucking weird. i hate it.

10:01 p.m.
yay! i finished my dress today. sort of. i managed to get most of it assembled, but when it came time to fit it, i had measured too small in the chest so i wasn't able to completely finish it. however, the bottom part, the skirt, fits great and though it hangs kind of funny, it doesn't look too home made. so even though i don't have a new dress, i have have a new skirt that needs a little more tailoring.

so next i'm on to a pair of pants and a shirt. i'd like to make the pants out of seersucker or eyelet. and i'd like the like the shirt to be a nice print. yay!

8:33 a.m.
okay, so i made it. i've made a not-outstanding-but-still-not-bad latte. i used dunkin' donuts coffee since theirs is the best. it didn't take long at all. at night i can get it all ready so that in the morning all i have to do is turn it on. i need to fiddle with the amount of milk i use, but otherwise, it's going to be a dream come true. no more $3-$9 each day. i'll make my own latte, thank you very much.

hopefully this will wake me up some for this morning. i was exhausted when i got home from work last night after what seemed like the longest short work week in the world. seriously, i didn't work monday and worked at home on tuesday. wednesday, thursday and friday should have been a breeze, but i was flat out beat.

so yeah. i made a latte. it's pretty good. i'll have to keep working on my recipe as it could be a little stronger. i think more espresso, less milk.

i need to get dressed to go meet with the trainer now. i'm going to be measure and weighed and stuff.

7:56 a.m.
i'm hooked on dunkin' donuts' lattes. they are so good. however, i got tired of pay $3-9 each day for them. so i bought an espresso machine. i wanted a good one but i didn't want to pay a fortune. i know i'll probably use it every day, but not more than a couple of times each day.

so i looked on the they had a reasonably priced one ($125) that had a really high rating. i ordered it and got it in the mail a couple of days ago.

anyway, i haven't had time to try it until today. i'm going down to try to right now.

6:12 p.m.
god. people get so excited about having kids. i hate children. get them the fuck away from me. everyone i know talks about "oh, my life is great now that i have kids," or "oh, my life is complete now that i have kids." who fucking cares? my life is complete without them. i don't need to have kids to quantify all i've done or to construct meaning in my life. fuck them. i hate children. i always will.

3:42 p.m.
so according to this website i am now an AA cup. i can't help it if my boobs now look like deflated volley balls. i never thought i'd say this, but i'm thinking about getting implants. this sucks!

i've also been thinking i'd like to get botox in my neck. i'll never do either of them, but still, it's what i'd like to do.

i bought a pattern and fabric for my first sewing project. i actually bought two patterns:

this dress is exactly my style. i don't care for the fabric i bought to go with it, but i figure the first dress is going to be a hot mess anyway, so who cares.

this second pattern i bought to make a summer wardrobe:

i love all of the looks that come with it. i can't wait to get some really great prints to make everything from!

by the way, the patterns from this brand, "new look" are only $4 each. yay!


9:14 a.m.
i am very excited right now. i'm going to try sewing my very first pattern next weekend. i'm going to make a pair of pants. these:

we will see how it goes. i have a decent machine and my mom showed me some basic stuff when i was a teenager. i hope they turn out okay.

any tips?

1:20 a.m.
on a better note, i just ordered some really cool andy warhol watches on clearance from hot topic. and a new andy warhol wallet thing to carry my train ticket in. i can't wait to get them. i only saved $50 or so, but i've really wanted a watch and something better to carry my train ticket in. i'm really excited about the watches. i've been looking for one and i found four really cool ones on sale. i'm going to look so cool in my andy warhol watch(es)!

i look cool anyway, but these will make me look even better.

1:13 a.m.
i just kind of hate life right now. still. this has been pretty persistant. i emailed the guy i was seeing down in maryland to see if he could give me the names of some people up here. he said he would be back in touch with me in a few days. hopefully soon, because this just isn't working.

i fucking hate my sister. i hate what she did to me. i hate that my mom didn't do anything. i hate that i don't make my mom take responsability for it. everytime i hear one of the kids talking about that same sort of shit going on in their houses, i have to contain myself. it took me 20 years to really understand how fucked up it made me and i know the same thing is happening to them and that they are going to be fucked up, too.

2:58 p.m.
i have a plan for the remainder of the afternoon. first, i will start my hair. then, while my hair is being done, i will sort the laundry, start the laundry, fix any of my clothes that need to be fixed and fix the pants of the obnoxious teacher at work (don't ask). that should take me about the amount of time it will take my hair. after that i will finish the presentation and get my lunch ready for this week.

i've been having cream of wheat for breakfast instead of oatmeal. it keeps me fuller for the morning. and i love the way it tastes.

oh jesus fucking christ. mittens' brother gloves just went into the bathroom. that fucks up my entire plan. i will now i have to wait 45 minutes to start my hair as it will take him at least that long to take his first shit of the day. i guess i can finish my presentation now instead of after i do everything else.

12:38 a.m.
man, i am so in love with ice cube. like, i get goosey bumps and giggly.

8:07 p.m.
this conversation:

me: watch when i smile, all the wrinkles.
mittens: gentle eyerolling
me: they're wrinkles. I'M GOING TO LOOK LIKE ELLEN BARKIN!

7:52 p.m.
how old does a woman need to be before they start buying anti-aging creams and stuff? if you said 30, you are right.


2:11 p.m.

6:38 p.m.
there's something going on here. i haven't been updating? maybe because i'm so exhausted all the time. and because i'm still dealing with this crazy lady at work. and now i'm dealing with the people with whom she has drama.

the cat keep throwing up.

9:51 p.m.
i'm going for hilary. i'm going her because she's a woman. i'm not embarrassed to say it. it's important for me.

7:38 p.m.
do you know of my love of owls? most of all, the great horned owl. they are so handsome and wise.

just look at him. i feel such a sense of calm and peace from them. i feel like, a psychic connection to them. the same connection i feel to hunter s. thompson. i can't explain it.

6:44 p.m.
man, seriously, there's nothing that make me happier than giving teachers a bad name. i'm an awesome teacher, but i do things teachers shouldn't do and i say things teachers shouldn't say. i don't take it too far. just far enough. like when i talk about the ugliest kids i've ever met. and the stupidest kids i've ever met.

7:43 a.m.
is anyone else's internet broken? there are a number of websites i can't log onto and i can't send email. i think it might be something with the comcast in our house. it caused me to lose the entry i'd written last night about how people at work are hating on my awesomeness. haterz.

8:20 p.m.
man, i am so in love with benicio del toro in fear and loathing in las vegas.

3:43 p.m.
so i'm going to start a garden this summer. i feel pretty sure this is the last snow we are going to get this year, so once it's melted, i can get everything started. i've looked up flowers i can plant since the space i have is really shady. we also have a nursery right across the street, so i'm sure they can give me some advice, too.

but here's the truth about me and gardening. i am awful at it. i love doing it. i love being outside in the air and playing in the dirt and looking at the flowers. unfortunately, every garden plant i touch i manage to kill. i just really, really, really stink at gardening. i will try it again though.

i haven't decided if i want to do flowers or vegetables. i know i would be happiest if i could do some vegetables, but it seems like most of the ones that grows in shady areas aren't vegetables i like. i want bell peppers and tomatos but they need lots of sun.

so i'm going to kind of spend some time surveying our little space. next weekend when the snow is gone i'll get it all cleaned up. i'm so excited!

i also smell really bad. probably since i haven't bathed since wednesday.

6:36 p.m.
here is what i did today:

i shovelled the driveway for the fifth time this winter. i'm setting a new rule for our house--no driving leaving the driveway if you have not shovelled a path. it's a real bitch trying to shovel snow that's been driven over.

i fixed the sewing machine. for the longest time, the thread wasn't catching. i couldn't figure it out for anything. i'd broken a needle some time back and the problem started when i replaced it. so, after checking about a million other things, i decided to make sure the needle was properly installed. it turns out i didn't have it straight. as soon as i turned it straight, the problem was fixed.

and that meant i could start taking in all of my clothes. they are all fixed now so i don't have to worry about my skirt falling down and i can quit using binder clips to keep my clothes on at work.

i also ironed all of the clothes that have been hanging there since christmas break. i hate ironing. i'm not any good at it so my clothes look decent, but not great. i've made a decision to be more particular about the material my clothes are made of. i'd like to start buying more clothes that don't have the be ironed. i have a strict rule of not putting my work clothes in the dryer which means that anything cotton has to be ironed. no more cotton. and no more button up shirts. they are the worst to iron.

all together, it took me about 6 hours to shovel, fix clothes and iron. i feel like i've done a bunch of stuff today. really, my only goal for while i was off work was to iron and fix all of my clothes. i have done that which means i'm all set. after we eat dinner, i'm going to get my bag ready for monday that way i don't have to do anything at all tomorrow.

i keep thinking today is sunday and that i have to go back to work tomorrow. that is not the case. however, i am really not ready to go back to work.

2:35 p.m.
i just shoveled our entire driveway. oh, wait, there was a 5ft x 5ft area that did not have to be shoveled because my car had been parked there. i'm pretty insane about shoveling as it is. i hate when you go out there the next morning and slip around trying to get to your car. thus, i always make sure the whole driveway is completely clear of snow. right now the sun is shining. hopefully that will dry up the snow that melted into puddles before it freezes tonight. can water evaporate when it's 33 degrees outside.

10:47 a.m.
oooh, i just set up my thunderbird so that i use my password to log into password protected entries. this is good for the bad tattoos community on livejournal and some friends' livejournals. i am awesome.

9:51 a.m.
i need to remember that my health flex spending plan ends on june 30. i have $785 left in it. i usually spend about $100/month which is what i have taken out. however, i've been trying to spend less out of it so i can get new glasses at the end of the year.

the flex spending account been really pretty good. i'm able to get things like like wart remover to follow through on my new year resolution (i'm also doing a very good job of hanging up my coat!), children's liquid benadryl to help me sleep through the night, a humidifier, advil, the earplugs i use to sleep at niight, acne cream since i have more acne now than i've ever had before and pay co-pays and stuff. i'll keep it for next year also.

raoul has not been happy enough about me being home this week. he doesn't stop laying on top of me. i love it that our pets love us so!

2:04 a.m.
i have no boobs now. seriously, i was a dd. now, i'm barely filling out a c. this SUCKS!!! mittens hasn't said anything about it, so i know it's not a problem for him. but it's a problem for me. i always liked the way my boobs were always about to pop out of my clothes. that doesn't happen anymore. and really, if i don't have that, what do i have?

7:07 p.m.
just now:

me: are you going to be upset if i watch twin peaks while you're out?
mittens: yes. watch hawaii five-o.
me: can i watch chips?
mittens: yes.
me: thank you.

my house is exciting.

2:04 p.m.
man, relationships have been dropping like flies over the past year. just about everyone i know has broken up with someone. including myself since i got dumped by my girlfriends. (bitches!) so that just leaves me and mittens of all of our friends.

i just started watching project runway this week. i've got all of the old episodes on the drv. currently, i'm on the one where they are designing outfits for american gladiators or something. so don't tell me what happens!!!

12:09 a.m.
man, this twin peaks is so fucking scary. yikes.

8:18 p.m.
"suck my penis
"suck my feet
"hey everybody
"my name is pete"

6:38 p.m.
this is another test.

this thing is wonderful. thanks zanti! it's because of you i am finally setting this up.

and many thank yous to vance, who told me ages ago i should have done this.

6:12 p.m.
i'm using this entry to test the rss feature of this website.

7:36 p.m.
also, i keep forgetting that i'm not fat anymore. i know that's really stupid, but sometimes i feel really insecure about my weight, and then i realize that i don't need to feel that way anymore.

7:30 p.m.
i'm still having a hard time with getting older. you know what's bothering me now? i'm not just an inaccesable, somewhat older flirt. now, if i flirt with teenage boys who work for the shaw's grocery, i'm going to look desparate. but how i love flirting with the grocery store boys. i can't help it.

6:14 p.m.
these past two weeks at work have really sucked. really. i nearly quit my job yesterday. and the day before. and every day going back over the past two weeks. however, i think everything is resolved.

happy valentine day to me and mittens!

8:15 a.m.
i don't know if anyone understands how sad i've been since hunter s. thompson died. i think when i'm done with stranger in a strange land, i'll read fear and loathing in las vegas again.

9:53 p.m.
today was a bad day. not stuff that will stay bad and not anything i can control or do anything about and not a day i wish hadn't happened. just one stupid thing after another. but none of it was really of consequence. like, bad things kept happening but nothing really got messed up.

9:06 p.m.
mittens doesn't know it, but i like to say things wrong so he will correct me. i like it when i say, "britney spear" and he says, "spears." it's just a stupid way for me to get his attention.


9:27 p.m.
i used to always feel bad for people who had the highway running through their backyard. but now i have the highway running over a bridge in my backyard and it's not so bad. i love the hum of the cars going by. it reminds me of home, since we lived on a busy street.

5:56 p.m.
bike season. it's still so close, yet so far away. i cannot wait. i'm going to be riding my bike to and from the commuter rail station everyday. that's awesome because it means i will save $40/month on my parking permit. plus, i will save an additional 80-100 miles of driving every month. that means another $10-15 in gas. plus, it's just going to be so awesome to ride my bike.

i need to get a helmet.

3:32 p.m.
i think whole foods is going to get found out that their vegan meals aren't really vegan at all. i think that because their president is such an asshole and did all that stuff in order to aquire wild oats. i think whole foods is tricking everyone. you should be shopping at your local health food store, not whole foods.

3:25 p.m.
i really hate football. that is why the superbowl is my favorite sports event of the year. it means i don't have to watch football for another seven months. yay!!!

9:00 a.m.
did you ever notice that things that were funny to you years ago are no longer funny. except that one picture of breaux which is really funny even today.

10:10 p.m.
so i think i might be going back to school next year. i mean, not this coming school year, but the next year. boston college has a program in educational research, measurement and evaluation which is exactly what i am interested in. but i don't know. what if they say i'm not ready. meh, applications aren't due until january, so i can just sit and think about it for a while. i can also apply for spring admission for 2009 and so might consider doing that. it depends on how things go for the next year. it's what i want and i'm pretty sure i'll do it.

9:24 p.m.
you may not believe this, but i am not a good cook. most of what i make either comes out nearly raw or burned. here is a list of things i can make:

hot dogs
eggs (scrambled only)
any type of pasta that can be boiled with sauce poured on top of it
instant mashed potatos

i sometimes try to make pizza. tonight, i made pizza. it was delicious. mittens was so happy.

happy birthday to gloves! he's 41 today. mittens will be 39 this year. man, my boyfriend is an old man. oh my god, gloves is going to be 50. once you hit 40, that's it. there's not turning back. you'll never be young again, no matter what anyone tells you. 50 is officially old.

i don't know if we are getting each other valentine day gifts. i don't want to ask because i don't want mittens to think i'm cheap, even though i really am. i've been hinting around that i would like the starbucks travel cup for each of the holidays. how long will it be until i finally get one.

these cats are getting older. it makes me so sad to worry about them. raoul is getting more white fur. i've even found a few white hairs on oscar. we'll grow old together.

6:50 p.m.
i'm telling you this crazy teacher who i supervise is going to make me quit my job. i don't have anyone to talk to because the only people i know are from work and my girlfriends dumped me.

8:05 p.m.
an email i just got:

I have worked all over this country and you are one of the most "special ones. " You have the natural talent, energy and charisma to make the lives of those you work with so much more enriched.

Please always remember our conversation today. You need to enroll at some point ,sooner than later, in a doctoral program.


i needed that today.

7:24 p.m.
there's something wrong with my ankle. it's the right one. it aches like a muscle cramp. i'll give it a couple of days.

a woman came to speak to me. she told me how great i am. she told me she thinks dys is very interested in me. maybe they'll give me a raise. i'd rather work for them than for my shitty ass, low paying, overworking teachers contract company.

i hate my boss.

7:28 p.m.
this boyfriend of mine. he's definately the one for me. he makes me laugh and smile and we do really nice things for each other.

9:09 p.m.
i am so tired i can't even get my ass up and get in the bed. how i love the bed. it's so warm and cozy.

i wish i understood about radiation. it doesn't make any sense to me.

7:24 p.m.
man, i hate it that my dreams are so real. then, i'm always angry at the other person for not being there when i woke up. assholes. anyway, i emailed dave of the dream i had of him this morning. he was giving me a hug that was so warm and tight. i didn't want him to ever let me go, but i knew he would. so before he let go, i said something that i knew would make him let go. i said, "i wish you would never let me go." and he said, "i know," and let go. in the dream, i didn't want to say it because i wanted to stay hugging him, but i just couldn't help it.

did you ever feel that way? like that you can't help but say something? sometimes you want to say it because you're so excited to tell the other person. but other times you can't help but say it because you've been holding it in for so long you think it will finally make things the way you've wanted them to be for so long.

so, whatever.

10:47 p.m.
i just read of carlton albert's father being arrested. carlton was one of my very first students. his little brother, tiberias was one of my favorites.

how do i know it was their father? "carlton, that's an upright name. how did you get it?" "it was my father's name."

9:00 p.m.
god! i'm going crazy about the sex and the city movie and the batman movie. i'm trying not to hear anything so don't tell me!!!

8:40 p.m.
my goal this weekend is to finally scan this artwork and post it. finally.

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