guestbook 6:43 p.m. so i'm applying for positions in the six school districts on the two train lines than run near our house. but i also applied for two research positions. one is for a research assistant at an ed research company that looks awesome. the other is for a research associate at planned parenthood. please, everyone, keep your fingers crossed for me. i need to get out of my job pronto. 2008-07-02 10:49 p.m. so i'm so fucking miserable with my boss that i resumed looking for jobs today. i looked at the website of the town that is literally 50 feet from my door, but not the same city i live in. and would you believe those cocksuckers? they want a 4000 word essay. i'm not writing a fucking essay. i went to a top university, have a masters degree from that university and have a teaching credential with another on the way. who do those assholes think they are asking me to write an essay? and why the fuck would i really want to teach in a school where they doubt my madd skills? so anyway, there's a behavior disorder positions in elementary and high schools in the town i live in outside of boston. i'd kind of dig that sort of thing. the town i live in isn't hoity-toity and i think would be great for me. i think i'm really looking for something that will be long term with little opportunity for advancement. i really, really, really want to be a teacher. just a teacher. i want to teach my kids and get them through school. man, i'd really like to get this job. i fucking hate my boss. and i hate my hour and a half commute and i hate all the stress of my job. i'd like to have a teaching job in a small community where i can work with families and have my students for a long time. please god, please, let me get this job. 2008-06-30 10:25 p.m. as you well know, i am against men doing anything i think might be even a little bit feminine. this includes wearing pink, crying and rollerblading. but the new thing is men wearing eyeliner. i hate the whole idea of it. i don't think men should wear makeup or get their nails done or get waxed. but i can't help it, a man is so hot when he wears that eyeliner: just look at jared leto this all has me very torn. 2008-06-29 4:49 p.m. and people are definitely going to know that something happened with the two girls i was friends with before since they won't be here. also, the other girl i was friends with has stopped calling and emailing. whatever. 2008-06-28 4:48 p.m. people will be here in the next couple of hours. i didn't have anyone to invite and everyone's going to know when they get here. i hate that. 2008-06-28 12:54 p.m. hi. our barbecue is today. here's what i have done: 1. the bathroom: last night i cleaned it while i was waiting for my hair to do its thing. this morning i put in a curtain. these were the curtains i wanted for the living room, but mittens said, "absolutely not," when i showed them to him. so i decided it would work in the bathroom. i also bought bright red and a color called "pirate's cove" towels. for whatever reason, they don't have those towels on the website, but it's the color of this lady's shirt. mittens hated on the color combos, but i love them. 2. gym: shape and sculpt class. it was good. i've been working so hard on my abs. i'm so fucking weak in the middle. 3. housekeeping: a. i've straightened the living room and covered some brown boxes with fabric that matches the living room curtains to hide them and make them look like tables. gloves was happy with it. b. i also covered some boxes in the upstairs hallway with fabric left over from the bathroom curtain. everything looks very neat and pulled together. i'm just about to vacuum the stairs. c. after that, i'm going to do the dreaded bedroom. this involves me going through my 50+ pairs of shoes and narrowing them down to about 10 pairs. you'd think that would be so easy. but it won't. maybe i can cheat and hide some in the closet. i also need to dust and do some general straightening in there. oh, i wish i'd gotten one of those cloth drawers from target the replace the one raoul destroyed by sharpening his claws on it. that's why we cut them now. d. after that, the kitchen. boooo. our kitchen is so old and funky. even when it's clean, it doesn't look clean. however, gloves and i have decided to ask the landlord if he'll paint if we buy the supplies. he'll likely go for that. i'd like to have him paint the livingroom and stairs also. that would make the place a trillion times better. 4. clothes: of course i bought a new dress for this barbecue. it's black and i'll wear it with a pink sweater. last week someone told mittens that i look really great. i'd like more people to think that. let me go clean now. 2008-06-28 11:14 p.m. some guy crashed into our mailbox! wednesday morning i heard a loud crash and thought that's what had happened. but i didn't want to deal with it and just kept playing tumblebugs. a few minutes later mittens said there was a guy outside messing with it. i told him of the loud noise and we surmised that was the guy who hit it. he fiddled with it for a while and then left. i was upset but there didn't seem to be any damage, so i guess i thought the landlord would fix it. anyway, mittens came home later and the guy who did it was talking to the landlord. that made me happy and think that maybe people aren't all bad like me. welcome back to mike! 2008-06-27 10:38 p.m. i got my bonus from work! just this morning i was thinking about how i couldn't wait to get it next week so i could get my new bike. imagine my surprise when i checked my bank only to find an extra three thousand dollars. yay! so i bought a new bike. it's still a trek 7100, but it's the women's model with the dropped bar so i can get on and off a lot easier. yes, i did get to robin's egg blue. i love it! breaux's taking the old one off my hands for $75. heck, he gets the rack and the computer with it. those alone would be about $35 and the bike's in pretty good shape, so he's getting a good deal. i didn't really get to ride today because it was rainy. tomorrow though. tomorrow morning i'm getting up to go to shape and sculpt and then to ride. we're having a barbecue and i'm determined not to look all swollen and bloated from the chinee foo i had tonight. i'll get up and have a boiled egg and piece of dry toast (like every fucking morning for the past year and a half), a fruit salad for lunch, then a couple of hot dogs for dinner. i'm within 10 lbs of my final goal weight. when i reach that, i will have lost 90 lbs since i graduated college and 80 since i moved here. i'm very excited. i also finally got my hair done. mittens actually said he likes it. he doesn't say he likes much about me, so it feels pretty good when he does say it. i'm also really excited about the dress i bought to wear tomorrow night. i got my new pre-paid cell phone. no more monthly bills. this is very exciting. i was able to carry over my phone number, so no changes. that's what i'd been waiting for, if i'd only called to find out if they could do that, i'd have switched back in april when my contracted ended and saved $150. meh, whatever. my bonus came in. tomorrow i'll buy us a new bathroom rug. 2008-06-27 8:43 p.m. i'm hearing marilyn manson for the first time in my life. that is really horrible! 2008-06-25 6:47 p.m. i really hate that people always talk about how great it is to see my smiling face. it's such an act, you know. i'm smiling, but i'm miserable and embarrassed and just hate who i am. some asshole ran into our mailbox with his van. i heard it this morning and then saw him messing with it, trying to fix it. later in the day, mittens said he saw the guy talking to the landlord, so hopefully everything is resolved. i can't figure out how the fuck you could hit our mailbox as there is a sidewalk in front of it, but that asshole did. fuck you cock sucker!!! 2008-06-25 4:44 p.m. mittens and i are both sick from the salmon we ate for dinner last night. i would have called into work today if it weren't the last day of school. i am off for two weeks. oh, how nice it will be. 2008-06-23 7:51 p.m. we're having a barbecue on saturday. i have no one to invite. mittens has tons of people to invite and i don't have anyone. it's going to be like it's a "guys" barbecue, but i'll be there. i'm not going to know what to talk about and i'll just be there kind of listening to everyone talk about things i don't know about or care about. uhg. i just kind of let mittens run my life. 2008-06-22 8:08 p.m. i have exciting and good news! 2008-06-19 5:52 p.m. i hate it that i thought i was somebody when i'm not. 2008-06-18 9:16 p.m. i didn't get the job i really wanted. the woman said they decided to keep the person they were going to replace and didn't have "room" for me. so they decided not to hire me over someone they already had doubts about. i'm just so sad and i feel so rejected. i know i'm the right person for teaching these kids. or maybe i'm not. i don't know. anyway, i have an interview with bps on the 24th @ 1:00. i'm sure that will bring something. i'm frustrated because i hate my job so much. i'm so overworked and underpaid. and i'm in over my head in terms of what i have the capacity to do as far as leading my team. 2008-06-17 6:25 p.m. so. here's what's up. when i met with the principal from the transition school, she told me she was hoping to make a decision by yesterday. i emailed her yesterday morning to find out if she'd decided anything and i got this in response: "I was thinking about you as I drove into work this morning. Give me a call Monday afternoon and we will talk. Have a great weekend." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!? seriously, i haven't stopped thinking about it. i'm convinced it means she hasn't thought about me since the interview, didn't want to tell me on a friday because she wants me to have a good weekend and wants to "talk" to let me down easily. self-loathing. 2008-06-14 9:20 p.m. so i started doing this "shape & sculpt" class at my gym. i really enjoy it and i'm able to do a pretty good job at most of the stuff. after the class last week, i could barely walk because the lunges killed my hamstrings. i also had a very sore stomach because of the leg kicks we do with partners. i was able to do about five of them last week. this week i was able to only do two. i think i might have done some serious muscle damage. but damn, you never realize how weak the muscles in front of your pelvis are. but i really dig the class, even though i'm in pain for about four days afterwards. i know that after a few weeks, i'll be fine and i'll look good, too. also, abs. i've almost got abs. that crazy. i've never in my life had abs or even anything close to a flat stomach. i keep thinking about my mom and how embarrassed she always was about my body. that really upsets me--that she was embarrassed by her own child. how could you be like that? 2008-06-09 5:26 p.m. as you know, i ride my bike a lot. i ride to and from the train station. when i ride, i've got my clothes, my breakfast, my thermas and my lunch in my backpack. i've had the same backpack for about five years now and i'm pretty sick of looking at it. it was a gift to me from tammy when i moved from oklahoma. i'd finally discared the red one i'd been carrying since 2nd grade and she was kind enough to buy me the same brand in blue. as i'm getting older, i'm trying to look a little more reputable. here's what i've been doing to do that: 1. wear heels 2. more sophisticated clothes 3. expensive haircut 4. better manners so i wanted a new backpack that was less sporty and more professional. they don't really make those though. here's what i found instead: i really love toile lately and i think this is just perfect. i'm really happy! 2008-06-08 9:33 a.m. oh my god. gloves is in the shower and i need to pee desparately. it's fucking 84 degrees outside already. i'm going to go ride as soon as he is out of the shower. we are making grilled pizza today. 2008-06-08 6:12 p.m. i think tomorrow i'm going to go to dsw and buy those $70 tan guess heels. i've really wanted a pair of tan heels and the other ones i tried on were a little big. good for me. 2008-06-07 2:42 p.m. it's like i'm back home today. it's fucking hot. like, a million degrees. actually, the "feels like" temp on my weather watcher says it feels like 99 degrees outside. really, it's only 91 degrees. uh, it's so hot in this room that i think i just felt a cool breeze on my back. it's awesome. i got up early this morning and rode before it got to hot. i'm in summertime heaven. who has a pool? oooh, i should go buy a new swimsuit! 2008-06-07 8:35 p.m. that fucking insane woman is completely fucking insane. really. she's out of her fucking mind. 2008-06-05 8:41 p.m. i finally watched that clip of fergie singing barracuda on the today show. that might be the worst performance of anything i've ever seen. she doesn't sound terrible, but she just doesn't have "it." whatever "it" is. maybe it's because she looks like she's 45, but whatever she's doing just doesn't seem age appropriate for her. you expect something more sophisticated from a woman who (looks) her age. just, everything she does is a big failure. and yet, she's got this totally hot fiancee. that makes me think that there might be something wrong with him, like that he's stupid. really, really, really stupid. 2008-06-04 5:49 p.m. oh, i've got my computer back! yay!!! 2008-06-01 8:07 p.m. uhg. just uhg. i fucking hate my job. i hate the adults. i work my ass off and i get nothing. most of my students love me at least. 2008-05-23 8:28 p.m. i hate the world. i've been sick with various colds since march. fuck that. 2008-05-22 9:20 p.m. habiba called me for an interview at cts!!! this is the greatest thing on earth. please let me get that job. 2008-05-13 9:45 p.m. so i need to go pee really bad, but gloves is in the bathroom. i'm starting to get really bloated. i can't stop thinking about tim. last night i dreamed he was one of my students discharging from the program. i wanted to pull him aside to give him the number to where he could reach me, but i couldn't find a place to sit down with him. so i just let him go. i just want to make sure i let never let anyone go like that again. i barely knew him, but he was still very important to me. i don't know why and none of this makes any sense. by the way, this is my list of people who are out of their minds: my mom my sister that insane teacher i work with and any of my students anyone who doesn't hire me for a job 2008-05-12 11:44 p.m. and god, my boss uses the word "expecially." i mean really. 2008-05-09 10:01 p.m. it's been a rough week. everything just kind of sucks lately. i hate my job. i mean, i fucking love my job but i fucking hate my job. i'm a teacher. but i'm also a principal. my job has become less and less teaching and more and more principaling and i fucking hate it. i get confused and forget that my job is mostly principal and i start to love it. then, i remember. anyway, i've been going on interviews and i'm feeling more and more sure that this is what i want to do. i want to keep teaching, and i don't want to work with the fucked up, dysfunctional assholes i work with. seriously, that place is about to implode. so i'm very excited. i can't wait to not have to tell other people what to do. i'm ready to just take care of myself and worry about me and getting even better at my craft. it's going to be so nice when my job is actually to spend time engaging with my students. it's going to be so awesome. so anyway, i went on another interview this week. it went really good and i think i'd really like to work there. habiba has told me that she really wants to meet with me about cts but that she still doesn't know if they'll have an opening. i'll keep waiting and keep interviewing. i'm lonely. 2008-05-09 9:03 p.m. so i just found out that tim motley killed himself because he was gay. 2008-05-06 9:49 p.m. i have another job interview coming up. mittens also has one thursday. yay for us. we're both about making more money. 2008-05-05 10:56 a.m. so my computer is going to die very soon. well, not the whole thing, just the hard drive. so i'm going to get a new one soon. a new hard drive, that is. so in the past two month, my car has broken, my ipod was run over by a car and now my computer. anything else? does anything else want to break? 2008-05-03 5:49 p.m. i just am very upset to hear about tim. of all my old boyfriends, he was definately my favorite. he was the only guy who, after doin' it, called me a few months later and said, "i just wanted to make sure you didn't pregnant or anything." i know that's no reason to think someone's nice, but he was the only person to ever do that. he was really poor and his family didn't have a phone. i remember he used to call me from work. we didn't have much to talk about since i was very shy with boys, but he tried. there were so many missed connections for him and me. i remember when i was in college my mom told me he called and wanted me to know he was in school and working. i told her that if he called again, she should give him my number. i don't know if he ever tried to call, but i was always so sad he didn't. for years i would drive down his block and hope to see him walking or sitting outside or something, but i never did. i remember that he broke up with me. he said it was to get back with his prior girlfriend (who he later married), but i'm pretty sure it was because i wasn't easy when we were actually supposed to be a couple. later in the summer, we'd just get down after summer school class. looking back, i feel really bad for him. i wasn't mean to him and i really wanted to be with him. what was so strange was that i was what he thought he wanted. he and his friends had such a party image, but it was mostly image. i remember his disappointment and frustration with me when i showed up drunk one evening. we both thought we were a certain way and we learned from each other that we weren't that way at all. i mean, i presented myself as all sex and he presented himself as all party. but that's not how we each were. instead he was all sex and i was all party. i wasn't in love with him. but i was very drawn to him. he was the first guy i'd ever had that kind of relationship with. i'd always thought we were on the brink of something good, but we were both to timid to figure it out. 2008-04-28 9:31 p.m. Deceased Name: Timothy Wayne Motley MOTLEY Timothy Wayne, age 26, left us Oct. 22, 2001 for a better place with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. A 1996 graduate of Southeast High School, he took the top achievement honor award in art. He loved being creative and using his talent in woodworking, he also enjoyed basketball, building low rider bicycles and just being with his friends. Tim was employed at Wardwood, Inc. at the time of his passing. He is survived by his loving wife, Andrea Dawn Motley, daughter McKenzie Miranda Motley; his mother, Elaine Williams of OKC; Father, Donald Motley of Minneola, TX; stepfather Buddy Tsotaddle of Carnegie, OK; sisters, Shavonne and Rachel Williams both of OKC; aunts Connie Williams Ibarra, LeVonna Williams, uncle Juan Ibarra; niece Kimberly Williams, nephews Juan Ibarra, Jr. & Dakota Dean. Many cousins and friends and special lifelong friends Joe Wallin & Benji Scudder. Timothy was of Choctaw, Mississippi Choctaw, Creek and Sem! inole descent. Funeral services will be 10 AM Thursday, Oct. 25, 2001 at the Choctaw Tribal Alliance Community Center, 5320 South Youngs Blvd. OKC. Interment will be at 3 PM in the Macedonia Indian Cemetery, Bentley, OK located SE of Atoka, OK. 2008-04-27 9:19 p.m. i just can't believe it. i'm so sad. 2008-04-27 9:10 p.m. i just found out that my boyfriend from 11th and 12th grade killed himself. i'm trying to figure out details right now. 2008-04-27 10:32 a.m. woo! i dreamed this morning that i was back on the dating scene. i had a personal ad and it was answered by a much older man. who was the old guy telling the story in waiting for guffman. i was dating because mittens had passed away, which is one thing i've been worried about lately. that's going to be horrible if it happens. the last thing i want is to be single again and not have mittens in my life. i love him so. even though he doesn't want to sleep with me. 2008-04-27 7:46 p.m. oh, my chest is killing me. no more cough medicine because it's making me cough which is making everything worse. oh, i made those meat roll things again. they will be my lunch this week. man, i can't wait to go on more job interviews. 2008-04-26 9:32 a.m. so the neighbor who never says hello to us is outside, probably cleaning his pool so his kids and yell and scream all summer. (how i hate that yelling and screaming.) he has a radio on and it's playing ac/dc or something. it's not really that loud and it sounds like some sort of portable little radio from the 80s. it's making me both happy and annoyed. actually, i might just be annoyed by the bird tweet tweet tweeting outside the window. 2008-04-26 9:46 a.m. i can't figure out if i'm dizzy because i'm so tired or because of all of the cough medicine i've been taking. 2008-04-25 7:51 a.m. god! why does cough syrup taste so bad?! does that tell you anything? i'm sick with a chest cold. i didn't want to spend my spring break feeling like this. 2008-04-25 6:47 p.m. i have just a little bit of a sun burn from riding my bike today. this is awesome! mittens is letting me use his ipod since he doesn't really use it. that's good, even though i still think he doesn't want to sleep with me. 2008-04-23 5:34 p.m. no red sox tickets for us. clearly people did not wish hard enough for me. fuck you! 2008-04-23 11:38 a.m. uhg, i hope i don't get a yeast infection this summer. they are so gross. 2008-04-23 10:47 a.m. we might have red sox tickets for tomorrow! keep your fingers crossed for me!!! 2008-04-23 7:13 a.m. if i miss not getting at least two metamucils or benefiber servings a day, i have the most painful bowel movements that stop up our toilet. things just aren't working for me. i might go to the doctor about it soon. 2008-04-23 6:50 a.m. this is awful. no ipod for me. i might buy a cheap one and then buy a better one in the fall when i have the money. i am heartbroken. 2008-04-23 5:15 p.m. first, my car radio broke today. i put the tape converter thing in so i could listen to the itune. well, it was quiet and now the tape converter won't come out and the thing won't even come on. even the anti-theft light won't flash. then, i was riding my bike and i had the itune on the rack, just like always, but something happened and it fell off. it was in the street. someone ran over it. it worked fine for about 40 minutes but then stopped and said it needed to be restored. mittens is fixing it for me now. man, i hope he can fix it. i'll be so sad without it. 2008-04-22 5:26 p.m. my boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with me. you might think i'm joking or being dramatic, but i'm not. i've been the person who doesn't want to sleep with the other person; i know what that person does. it's always something. his back hurts or he's hungry or there's a baseball game. what the fuck? this sucks. mittens is the only person i want to do it with. but he doesn't want to do it with me. 2008-04-21 9:19 p.m. man, i was totally a chola when i was in high school. even though i was white. 2008-04-15 9:12 p.m. i'd like to have a subscription to consumer reports. i fucking love that magazine. i'm off work next week. during that time i will do the following: 1. clean the basement 2. keep looking for a nuevo job 3. chill with raoul and oscar 4. sleep late 5. ride my bike!!! 6. go for walks with mittens 7. chill with alyssa who has been kind enough to accept my request that she help me fix my clothes it should be a chill week. 2008-04-15 5:23 p.m. i've just been feeling so very down lately. 2008-04-15 7:59 p.m. so i was at cvs just now. i got a coupon that if i buy two things of metamucil, i would get $10 in cvs bucks. well, you see, it wasn't a coupon, it was a display and yes, i was looking at the fiber suppliments because it's been a painful process lately and i think i'm not getting enough fiber in my diet. so i looked it up on the internet and it said you should try to get more fiber. anyway, i got the coupon and decided that i would by a hair brush. i haven't owned a hair brush in about 15 years since i've got such curly hair, but i decided i might try to brush it while i blow dry it so it's straight instead of curly. i doubt it will work, but i didn't actually pay for the brush, so i'm not stressed out or anything. the tag on the brush said it was $10, but it was only $7. i didn't want to waste the extra bucks, so i grabbed two packages of gum to go with it. i said to the guys, "the lady behind me is going to get angry." it still wasn't $10, so i grabbed one more package of gum. i again said, "the lady is going to get angry," only this time, i turned around to look. it wasn't a lady at all. it was a man who looked just like neil young or mike myers in the movie "54." i said, "oh, sorry, it's not a lady," and ran out of the store. i didn't know what else to do. 2008-04-13 8:15 a.m. it's been a long time since i've updated this diaryland. i've just been so tired and really, there hasn't been much to say. bike season is so close, if only it would stop raining for just one weekend, just one weekend already. oooh, i had a job interview. but what was the first thing the guy asked? "at first i was a little concerned about your art background, but then i noticed you have 120 pdps in math. how prepared are you to teach advanced math?" "well, i've taught a lot of algebra and geometry, but i haven't taught algebra ii. however, he didn't end the interview immediately by saying, "we're really looking for someone who has a lot of math experience," so i'm thinking they are looking for a really great special ed. teacher (like me!) who can deal with the math. so all together i've put out about 20 resumes to different schools in boston public schools. i'd like to keep trying there before i try anywhere else because the commute is so easy. the pay is good, too. also, i'm just 5 lbs away from my latest goal. and i've got only 15 lbs to go to finally finish! woot. 2008-04-12 12:51 p.m. i saw the new $5 bill yesterday. it was so cool! 2008-04-05 10:52 a.m. this guy javier bardem is so fucking hot. oh man, i'm like on fire. 2008-04-05 6:14 p.m. i'm still sick. this is no good, you know. i really need to go to work tomorrow, but how can i if i'm still sick. if i go, i really need to teach. i think i will go. i'm ready to be out of this house. i have to work for two weeks, then we have spring break off. so that's what's up. i'm still sick. have i mentioned, ever, how much i really, really, really dislike old people. i can't stand them. they are gross. i hate them and i never want to be around them. today i got my nails done while i was down in revere getting my car back from the mechanic. the girl who does them started telling me about her mother and grandfather coming over from vietnam for a funeral they have to go to. she kept telling me that her mother was going to have to come becaus her grandfather is dead and couldn't talk to anyone. i couldn't figure out what she was talking about, but then i figured out she meant that he was deaf, not dead. i said, "oh, you mean he's deaf, i though you were saying he was dead." she said, "oh, deaf. yes. i was saying he was dead." we laughed. she's really getting so chatty. it makes me so happy that she is becoming more comfortable with her english. 2008-04-03 10:43 p.m. mittens is home!!!!!! and ready to annoy! "i'm sick, come on." what the hell is the deal with people having kids? i mean really. nobody my age should have a 10 year old child. when you are twenty, you really shouldn't be allowed to make the decision about whether you want kids. a twenty year old isn't capabable of deciding that she wants to be dedicated to someone else for the rest of her life. same thing with people who get married and stuff at that age. 2008-04-02 8:25 p.m. so i'm trying ht wizz rss reader for firefox. i've been wanting a sidebar reader and this one seems okay. i just wish it would check for messages me often than every 10 minutes, you know. otherwise, i like it. 2008-04-02 6:30 p.m. you should see my hair, by the way. i washed it and styled it sunday night, but i haven't done anything to it since. i had it in a pony tail for a while. otherwise, i look like a haute couture model. i'm beautiful. haterz. 2008-04-02 6:25 p.m. home sick, day iii. today my nose isn't stopped up because i've been going crazy with the afrin spray. instead i just feel all nauseated and gross. however, i have discovered the show "real housewives of new york." it's awesome. what do you think? 2008-04-02 9:03 a.m. is it wrong to drink espresso with a little milk in it? i love having that every morning. 2008-04-02 8:53 a.m. so i fell down the stairs yesterday. i fell backwwards and slid on my bottom from about the third stair down all the way to the bottom where the stairs curve. it hurt. then i woke up during the night with a horrible pain when i turned over. i thought i'd really done something wrong to myself. now, i'm mostly fine, except i can't really sit down for more than a couple of minutes. there aren't any bruises, but it sure feels like there should be. ouch. i think i just like saying, "i think i broke my butt." and, "don't worry, my butt is fine." real mature, i know. 2008-04-02 10:38 p.m. man, i can't even begin to talk about how happy i am that i'm not very grown up. like, i don't exchange parenting tips or anything. and i still make sex jokes and stuff. it's awesome. 2008-04-01 9:57 p.m. OWH MY BACKSIDE HURTS FROM FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS. I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHEN. I FEEL STUPID SAYING "MY BUTT HURTS." BUT IT'S SO TRUE. I THINK I BROKE IT. 2008-04-01 4:34 p.m. so i hadn't remembered that the CEC conference is here this year until i got an email reply from lucky. she will be here next weekend. yay! 2008-03-30 2:17 p.m. i'm sick. booooo! it's clearly a head cold. all of the kids have it. it seems to be pretty short lived though. i can't stop thinking about that job i applied for. i've applied for one at another alternative school as well, but i'm really hoping i get the one at cts. keep thinking of me. thanks! 2008-03-29 6:44 p.m. "Qualifications--Preferred: 1. Education: Hold a Master' degree. 2. Experience teaching in urban schools. 3. Demonstrated experience or skills in differentiated instruction. 4. Experience working with bilingual/multicultural students 5. Demonstrated ability to work in a team setting. 6. Demonstrated ability to work with rolling admissions. 7. Experience working with at-risk populations (specifically over age, under credited)." hello. have you met me? 2008-03-28 6:22 p.m. so here's what's up. i'm not happy at my job. i love the kids and i love teaching and i love doing the assessment stuff, but i hate my boss and i hate supervising people and i really hate that we make so much less money than public school teachers. i was supposed to meet with my boss today. she did not show up. and that was the last straw. so i walked back to the school, went in the computer room, shut the door and went on the boston public school website, just to see what was out there. okay, so i've been dying to call habiba at the community transition school. cts is the school many of our most serious offenders attend after they leave. they go there and just kind of prove that they are ready to re-enter public school. but i knew it would be wrong to call her and tell her to let me know if they had a math opening. now, i was looking at the bps website at some jobs. and what do i see? cts has a math position. it was posted on 3/11, so they are likely looking for someone for next school year. if i can meet with them soon, i might be able to have my MA teaching license by the time the school year starts (hopefully!). so tonight i'm going to be working on my resume so i will be able to submit it. this is very exciting. i hope the position is still open. i try to call habiba monday and let her know that i've submitted and application. this is awesome! 2008-03-28 9:25 p.m. that new madonna song is fabulous. until she gets to the part about how it's only four minutes to save the world or something. why does she have to try to be smart? why can't she just make a good song. even the way she sings that part is stupid. mittens is on vacation in la this week. he left this morning and will be back next wednesday. i'm sad. it's lonely here already. 2008-03-26 10:27 p.m. damn it. why do i have to be so weird? i mean, really. it's a joke, right? that i am so fucking weird. i hate it. 2008-03-22 10:01 p.m. yay! i finished my dress today. sort of. i managed to get most of it assembled, but when it came time to fit it, i had measured too small in the chest so i wasn't able to completely finish it. however, the bottom part, the skirt, fits great and though it hangs kind of funny, it doesn't look too home made. so even though i don't have a new dress, i have have a new skirt that needs a little more tailoring. so next i'm on to a pair of pants and a shirt. i'd like to make the pants out of seersucker or eyelet. and i'd like the like the shirt to be a nice print. yay! 2008-03-22 8:33 a.m. okay, so i made it. i've made a not-outstanding-but-still-not-bad latte. i used dunkin' donuts coffee since theirs is the best. it didn't take long at all. at night i can get it all ready so that in the morning all i have to do is turn it on. i need to fiddle with the amount of milk i use, but otherwise, it's going to be a dream come true. no more $3-$9 each day. i'll make my own latte, thank you very much. hopefully this will wake me up some for this morning. i was exhausted when i got home from work last night after what seemed like the longest short work week in the world. seriously, i didn't work monday and worked at home on tuesday. wednesday, thursday and friday should have been a breeze, but i was flat out beat. so yeah. i made a latte. it's pretty good. i'll have to keep working on my recipe as it could be a little stronger. i think more espresso, less milk. i need to get dressed to go meet with the trainer now. i'm going to be measure and weighed and stuff. 2008-03-22 7:56 a.m. i'm hooked on dunkin' donuts' lattes. they are so good. however, i got tired of pay $3-9 each day for them. so i bought an espresso machine. i wanted a good one but i didn't want to pay a fortune. i know i'll probably use it every day, but not more than a couple of times each day. so i looked on the amazon.com. they had a reasonably priced one ($125) that had a really high rating. i ordered it and got it in the mail a couple of days ago. anyway, i haven't had time to try it until today. i'm going down to try to right now. 2008-03-22 6:12 p.m. god. people get so excited about having kids. i hate children. get them the fuck away from me. everyone i know talks about "oh, my life is great now that i have kids," or "oh, my life is complete now that i have kids." who fucking cares? my life is complete without them. i don't need to have kids to quantify all i've done or to construct meaning in my life. fuck them. i hate children. i always will. 2008-03-17 3:42 p.m. so according to this website i am now an AA cup. i can't help it if my boobs now look like deflated volley balls. i never thought i'd say this, but i'm thinking about getting implants. this sucks! i've also been thinking i'd like to get botox in my neck. i'll never do either of them, but still, it's what i'd like to do. i bought a pattern and fabric for my first sewing project. i actually bought two patterns: this dress is exactly my style. i don't care for the fabric i bought to go with it, but i figure the first dress is going to be a hot mess anyway, so who cares. this second pattern i bought to make a summer wardrobe: i love all of the looks that come with it. i can't wait to get some really great prints to make everything from! by the way, the patterns from this brand, "new look" are only $4 each. yay! 2008-03-17 9:14 a.m. i am very excited right now. i'm going to try sewing my very first pattern next weekend. i'm going to make a pair of pants. these: we will see how it goes. i have a decent machine and my mom showed me some basic stuff when i was a teenager. i hope they turn out okay. any tips? 2008-03-16 1:20 a.m. on a better note, i just ordered some really cool andy warhol watches on clearance from hot topic. and a new andy warhol wallet thing to carry my train ticket in. i can't wait to get them. i only saved $50 or so, but i've really wanted a watch and something better to carry my train ticket in. i'm really excited about the watches. i've been looking for one and i found four really cool ones on sale. i'm going to look so cool in my andy warhol watch(es)! i look cool anyway, but these will make me look even better. 2008-03-16 1:13 a.m. i just kind of hate life right now. still. this has been pretty persistant. i emailed the guy i was seeing down in maryland to see if he could give me the names of some people up here. he said he would be back in touch with me in a few days. hopefully soon, because this just isn't working. i fucking hate my sister. i hate what she did to me. i hate that my mom didn't do anything. i hate that i don't make my mom take responsability for it. everytime i hear one of the kids talking about that same sort of shit going on in their houses, i have to contain myself. it took me 20 years to really understand how fucked up it made me and i know the same thing is happening to them and that they are going to be fucked up, too. 2008-03-16 2:58 p.m. i have a plan for the remainder of the afternoon. first, i will start my hair. then, while my hair is being done, i will sort the laundry, start the laundry, fix any of my clothes that need to be fixed and fix the pants of the obnoxious teacher at work (don't ask). that should take me about the amount of time it will take my hair. after that i will finish the presentation and get my lunch ready for this week. i've been having cream of wheat for breakfast instead of oatmeal. it keeps me fuller for the morning. and i love the way it tastes. oh jesus fucking christ. mittens' brother gloves just went into the bathroom. that fucks up my entire plan. i will now i have to wait 45 minutes to start my hair as it will take him at least that long to take his first shit of the day. i guess i can finish my presentation now instead of after i do everything else. 2008-03-09 12:38 a.m. man, i am so in love with ice cube. like, i get goosey bumps and giggly. 2008-03-09 8:07 p.m. this conversation: me: watch when i smile, all the wrinkles. mittens: gentle eyerolling me: they're wrinkles. I'M GOING TO LOOK LIKE ELLEN BARKIN! 2008-03-08 7:52 p.m. how old does a woman need to be before they start buying anti-aging creams and stuff? if you said 30, you are right. 2008-03-08 2:11 p.m. MY AWESOMENESS REIGNS SUPREME!!! 2008-03-08 6:38 p.m. there's something going on here. i haven't been updating? maybe because i'm so exhausted all the time. and because i'm still dealing with this crazy lady at work. and now i'm dealing with the people with whom she has drama. the cat keep throwing up. 2008-03-07 9:51 p.m. i'm going for hilary. i'm going her because she's a woman. i'm not embarrassed to say it. it's important for me. 2008-03-04 7:38 p.m. do you know of my love of owls? most of all, the great horned owl. they are so handsome and wise. just look at him. i feel such a sense of calm and peace from them. i feel like, a psychic connection to them. the same connection i feel to hunter s. thompson. i can't explain it. 2008-03-02 6:44 p.m. man, seriously, there's nothing that make me happier than giving teachers a bad name. i'm an awesome teacher, but i do things teachers shouldn't do and i say things teachers shouldn't say. i don't take it too far. just far enough. like when i talk about the ugliest kids i've ever met. and the stupidest kids i've ever met. 2008-03-02 7:43 a.m. is anyone else's internet broken? there are a number of websites i can't log onto and i can't send email. i think it might be something with the comcast in our house. it caused me to lose the entry i'd written last night about how people at work are hating on my awesomeness. haterz. 2008-03-02 8:20 p.m. man, i am so in love with benicio del toro in fear and loathing in las vegas. 2008-02-29 3:43 p.m. so i'm going to start a garden this summer. i feel pretty sure this is the last snow we are going to get this year, so once it's melted, i can get everything started. i've looked up flowers i can plant since the space i have is really shady. we also have a nursery right across the street, so i'm sure they can give me some advice, too. but here's the truth about me and gardening. i am awful at it. i love doing it. i love being outside in the air and playing in the dirt and looking at the flowers. unfortunately, every garden plant i touch i manage to kill. i just really, really, really stink at gardening. i will try it again though. i haven't decided if i want to do flowers or vegetables. i know i would be happiest if i could do some vegetables, but it seems like most of the ones that grows in shady areas aren't vegetables i like. i want bell peppers and tomatos but they need lots of sun. so i'm going to kind of spend some time surveying our little space. next weekend when the snow is gone i'll get it all cleaned up. i'm so excited! i also smell really bad. probably since i haven't bathed since wednesday. 2008-02-24 6:36 p.m. here is what i did today: i shovelled the driveway for the fifth time this winter. i'm setting a new rule for our house--no driving leaving the driveway if you have not shovelled a path. it's a real bitch trying to shovel snow that's been driven over. i fixed the sewing machine. for the longest time, the thread wasn't catching. i couldn't figure it out for anything. i'd broken a needle some time back and the problem started when i replaced it. so, after checking about a million other things, i decided to make sure the needle was properly installed. it turns out i didn't have it straight. as soon as i turned it straight, the problem was fixed. and that meant i could start taking in all of my clothes. they are all fixed now so i don't have to worry about my skirt falling down and i can quit using binder clips to keep my clothes on at work. i also ironed all of the clothes that have been hanging there since christmas break. i hate ironing. i'm not any good at it so my clothes look decent, but not great. i've made a decision to be more particular about the material my clothes are made of. i'd like to start buying more clothes that don't have the be ironed. i have a strict rule of not putting my work clothes in the dryer which means that anything cotton has to be ironed. no more cotton. and no more button up shirts. they are the worst to iron. all together, it took me about 6 hours to shovel, fix clothes and iron. i feel like i've done a bunch of stuff today. really, my only goal for while i was off work was to iron and fix all of my clothes. i have done that which means i'm all set. after we eat dinner, i'm going to get my bag ready for monday that way i don't have to do anything at all tomorrow. i keep thinking today is sunday and that i have to go back to work tomorrow. that is not the case. however, i am really not ready to go back to work. 2008-02-23 2:35 p.m. i just shoveled our entire driveway. oh, wait, there was a 5ft x 5ft area that did not have to be shoveled because my car had been parked there. i'm pretty insane about shoveling as it is. i hate when you go out there the next morning and slip around trying to get to your car. thus, i always make sure the whole driveway is completely clear of snow. right now the sun is shining. hopefully that will dry up the snow that melted into puddles before it freezes tonight. can water evaporate when it's 33 degrees outside. 2008-02-23 10:47 a.m. oooh, i just set up my thunderbird so that i use my password to log into password protected entries. this is good for the bad tattoos community on livejournal and some friends' livejournals. i am awesome. 2008-02-21 9:51 a.m. i need to remember that my health flex spending plan ends on june 30. i have $785 left in it. i usually spend about $100/month which is what i have taken out. however, i've been trying to spend less out of it so i can get new glasses at the end of the year. the flex spending account been really pretty good. i'm able to get things like like wart remover to follow through on my new year resolution (i'm also doing a very good job of hanging up my coat!), children's liquid benadryl to help me sleep through the night, a humidifier, advil, the earplugs i use to sleep at niight, acne cream since i have more acne now than i've ever had before and pay co-pays and stuff. i'll keep it for next year also. raoul has not been happy enough about me being home this week. he doesn't stop laying on top of me. i love it that our pets love us so! 2008-02-21 2:04 a.m. i have no boobs now. seriously, i was a dd. now, i'm barely filling out a c. this SUCKS!!! mittens hasn't said anything about it, so i know it's not a problem for him. but it's a problem for me. i always liked the way my boobs were always about to pop out of my clothes. that doesn't happen anymore. and really, if i don't have that, what do i have? 2008-02-21 7:07 p.m. just now: me: are you going to be upset if i watch twin peaks while you're out? mittens: yes. watch hawaii five-o. me: can i watch chips? mittens: yes. me: thank you. my house is exciting. 2008-02-19 2:04 p.m. man, relationships have been dropping like flies over the past year. just about everyone i know has broken up with someone. including myself since i got dumped by my girlfriends. (bitches!) so that just leaves me and mittens of all of our friends. i just started watching project runway this week. i've got all of the old episodes on the drv. currently, i'm on the one where they are designing outfits for american gladiators or something. so don't tell me what happens!!! 2008-02-19 12:09 a.m. man, this twin peaks is so fucking scary. yikes. 2008-02-18 8:18 p.m. "suck my penis "suck my feet "hey everybody "my name is pete" 2008-02-17 7:20 p.m. test 2008-02-17 6:38 p.m. this is another test. this thing is wonderful. thanks zanti! it's because of you i am finally setting this up. and many thank yous to vance, who told me ages ago i should have done this. 2008-02-17 6:12 p.m. i'm using this entry to test the rss feature of this website. 2008-02-17 7:36 p.m. also, i keep forgetting that i'm not fat anymore. i know that's really stupid, but sometimes i feel really insecure about my weight, and then i realize that i don't need to feel that way anymore. 2008-02-15 7:30 p.m. i'm still having a hard time with getting older. you know what's bothering me now? i'm not just an inaccesable, somewhat older flirt. now, if i flirt with teenage boys who work for the shaw's grocery, i'm going to look desparate. but how i love flirting with the grocery store boys. i can't help it. 2008-02-15 6:14 p.m. these past two weeks at work have really sucked. really. i nearly quit my job yesterday. and the day before. and every day going back over the past two weeks. however, i think everything is resolved. happy valentine day to me and mittens! 2008-02-15 8:15 a.m. i don't know if anyone understands how sad i've been since hunter s. thompson died. i think when i'm done with stranger in a strange land, i'll read fear and loathing in las vegas again. 2008-02-09 9:53 p.m. today was a bad day. not stuff that will stay bad and not anything i can control or do anything about and not a day i wish hadn't happened. just one stupid thing after another. but none of it was really of consequence. like, bad things kept happening but nothing really got messed up. 2008-02-08 9:06 p.m. mittens doesn't know it, but i like to say things wrong so he will correct me. i like it when i say, "britney spear" and he says, "spears." it's just a stupid way for me to get his attention. SADIE CRABTREE!!!!! 2008-02-07 9:27 p.m. i used to always feel bad for people who had the highway running through their backyard. but now i have the highway running over a bridge in my backyard and it's not so bad. i love the hum of the cars going by. it reminds me of home, since we lived on a busy street. 2008-02-05 5:56 p.m. bike season. it's still so close, yet so far away. i cannot wait. i'm going to be riding my bike to and from the commuter rail station everyday. that's awesome because it means i will save $40/month on my parking permit. plus, i will save an additional 80-100 miles of driving every month. that means another $10-15 in gas. plus, it's just going to be so awesome to ride my bike. i need to get a helmet. 2008-02-04 3:32 p.m. i think whole foods is going to get found out that their vegan meals aren't really vegan at all. i think that because their president is such an asshole and did all that stuff in order to aquire wild oats. i think whole foods is tricking everyone. you should be shopping at your local health food store, not whole foods. 2008-02-03 3:25 p.m. i really hate football. that is why the superbowl is my favorite sports event of the year. it means i don't have to watch football for another seven months. yay!!! 2008-02-03 9:00 a.m. did you ever notice that things that were funny to you years ago are no longer funny. except that one picture of breaux which is really funny even today. 2008-02-03 10:10 p.m. so i think i might be going back to school next year. i mean, not this coming school year, but the next year. boston college has a program in educational research, measurement and evaluation which is exactly what i am interested in. but i don't know. what if they say i'm not ready. meh, applications aren't due until january, so i can just sit and think about it for a while. i can also apply for spring admission for 2009 and so might consider doing that. it depends on how things go for the next year. it's what i want and i'm pretty sure i'll do it. 2008-02-02 9:24 p.m. you may not believe this, but i am not a good cook. most of what i make either comes out nearly raw or burned. here is a list of things i can make: hot dogs eggs (scrambled only) any type of pasta that can be boiled with sauce poured on top of it instant mashed potatos fajitas i sometimes try to make pizza. tonight, i made pizza. it was delicious. mittens was so happy. happy birthday to gloves! he's 41 today. mittens will be 39 this year. man, my boyfriend is an old man. oh my god, gloves is going to be 50. once you hit 40, that's it. there's not turning back. you'll never be young again, no matter what anyone tells you. 50 is officially old. i don't know if we are getting each other valentine day gifts. i don't want to ask because i don't want mittens to think i'm cheap, even though i really am. i've been hinting around that i would like the starbucks travel cup for each of the holidays. how long will it be until i finally get one. these cats are getting older. it makes me so sad to worry about them. raoul is getting more white fur. i've even found a few white hairs on oscar. we'll grow old together. 2008-02-02 6:50 p.m. i'm telling you this crazy teacher who i supervise is going to make me quit my job. i don't have anyone to talk to because the only people i know are from work and my girlfriends dumped me. 2008-02-01 8:05 p.m. an email i just got: I have worked all over this country and you are one of the most "special ones. " You have the natural talent, energy and charisma to make the lives of those you work with so much more enriched. Please always remember our conversation today. You need to enroll at some point ,sooner than later, in a doctoral program. Kathy i needed that today. 2008-01-31 7:24 p.m. there's something wrong with my ankle. it's the right one. it aches like a muscle cramp. i'll give it a couple of days. a woman came to speak to me. she told me how great i am. she told me she thinks dys is very interested in me. maybe they'll give me a raise. i'd rather work for them than for my shitty ass, low paying, overworking teachers contract company. i hate my boss. 2008-01-31 7:28 p.m. this boyfriend of mine. he's definately the one for me. he makes me laugh and smile and we do really nice things for each other. 2008-01-29 9:09 p.m. i am so tired i can't even get my ass up and get in the bed. how i love the bed. it's so warm and cozy. i wish i understood about radiation. it doesn't make any sense to me. 2008-01-28 7:24 p.m. man, i hate it that my dreams are so real. then, i'm always angry at the other person for not being there when i woke up. assholes. anyway, i emailed dave of the dream i had of him this morning. he was giving me a hug that was so warm and tight. i didn't want him to ever let me go, but i knew he would. so before he let go, i said something that i knew would make him let go. i said, "i wish you would never let me go." and he said, "i know," and let go. in the dream, i didn't want to say it because i wanted to stay hugging him, but i just couldn't help it. did you ever feel that way? like that you can't help but say something? sometimes you want to say it because you're so excited to tell the other person. but other times you can't help but say it because you've been holding it in for so long you think it will finally make things the way you've wanted them to be for so long. so, whatever. 2008-01-27 10:47 p.m. i just read of carlton albert's father being arrested. carlton was one of my very first students. his little brother, tiberias was one of my favorites. how do i know it was their father? "carlton, that's an upright name. how did you get it?" "it was my father's name." 2008-01-25 9:00 p.m. god! i'm going crazy about the sex and the city movie and the batman movie. i'm trying not to hear anything so don't tell me!!! 2008-01-24 8:40 p.m. my goal this weekend is to finally scan this artwork and post it. finally. 2008-01-24 8:57 p.m. i'm really upset about heath ledger's death. i'm not sure if it's because i think (thought?) he was really hot and going to be the next johnny depp or if it's because i've had such a hard time dealing the with the loss of so many of my students lately that i am using as an excuse to be sad and upset about death. i can't help it, i love the new britney spears song. 2008-01-23 8:55 p.m. i should be working on this drawing instead of playing on this internet. 2008-01-19 7:10 p.m. this is my list of things that are never ever ever on sale: milk deoderant magazines that's about all i can think of right now. if you can think of anything, please let me know. 2008-01-19 10:39 p.m. so i can't decide who to vote for. there were three people at jackson square station saying "vote for barak obama." i don't want to vote for him. i think i'm going to vote for john edwards. he's not great on gun control. that's really important to me. but god, hilary clinton is actually okay with the death penalty. and so is barak obama. and that bothers me. i can't vote for any of those people. what should i do? hilary clinton is very pro-choice and so is edwards. i just don't know what to do. john edwards is the best looking. so maybe i'll just be for him. last night i wanted to watch "the princess bride" while i felt asleep. after the movie was some soft core porn. i was so afraid mittens would come home while it was on and think i was watching it. but i wasn't, i was watching "the princess bride." man, johnny depp is such an awesome actor. he's got to finally get an oscar. even though i love brad pitt, johnny depp is the best actor around. he's so free and uninhibted and commits to the charactor. it's amazing. he's truely an artist. also, tim curry is hawt in "the rocky horror picture show." le boyfriend got le laid off. 2008-01-18 8:54 p.m. mittens told me last night that he would never call me in an emergency. he also would not call his brother, gloves. he said we don't answer our phones. that's mostly true of me. if i'm at the house, i don't usually answer the phone. i'm usually upstairs and my phone is usually downstairs. and lord knows i'm not walking my ass downstairs for mittens to tell me he just saw a cat in a window. so i've made a pledge to start bringing my bad with my phone upstairs at night. i like to leave it downstairs, by the door, so when i get ready to leave, it's there. but if it will make mittens happy, i will carry the phone upstairs. becasue i love him! here is my morning routine: 5:42: alarm goes off 5:51: alarm goes off again 6:00: alarm goes off again. i finally get out of the bed and stretch. 6:02: i go to the bathroom 6:03: brush teeth, moisturizer, stare in the mirror, acne cream, deodorant 6:08: get dressed, say goodbye to mittens 6:15: start water boiling for oatmeal and tea 6:18: get keys and lunch from fridge, start car 6:22: check water, put on make-up, check the weather 6:25: fix tea and oatmeal, put them in my bag 6:28: leave for train station i'm very serious about my routine. please let me know if you have further questions. 2008-01-15 8:28 p.m. i just adore mo rocca. 2008-01-14 8:15 p.m. i'm getting yelled at. this time it's because i recored a million episodes of world's stongest man. it's the only sport i watch and know all the players to. i'm out of date on it and need to catch up. 2008-01-14 6:19 a.m. SNOW. NO SCHOOL!!! 2008-01-14 3:47 p.m. raoul is going to the vet tomorrow. there was something wrong with his ear. he kept pushing it back and down. he seemed so sad. so mittens told me to take him to the vet. he seems better now, but it's been years since he had a check up. i don't usually take him because he's an indoor cat. so the carrier i have is too small for him. as you may know, raoul is a big boy. a 15lb big boy. the other carrier is fine for oscar, but i needed a new one for raoul. i went to the petsmart to look. my plan was this: park at the petsmart and look there for a carrier. walk over to the target and look for one there. then, if i decided to get one at either store, i would get the best price. i got to the petsmart and they had one for $40. i walked over to the target and found one i really like there for $60. then i remembered that i wanted one of those pet strollers. so i walked back over to the petsmart to see if they had one. i was worried they wouldn't and i would have to walk my ass back over to the target and buy the one i wanted. but at the petsmart, they had one on sale. it was normally $130, but i got it for $100. i took raoul out for a walk. he meowed, but i feel pretty sure he'll like it when he gets used to it. i wanted it so he and i and mittens can go for walks this summer. won't that be fun!? 2008-01-13 10:47 p.m. i don't like football because there are too many rules. 2008-01-12 9:15 p.m. fuck those assholes at ion tv. they've moved my tony danza to 10:00. what a bunch of assholes!!! 2008-01-08 8:00 p.m. mittens and i are both sick after eating turkey burgers last night. we've had stomach aches and diarhea all day long. and the worst stomach cramps. i was in so much pain. then i had to get up during dinner and run to the bathroom. he was waiting outside the door for his turn. i still managed to go to the gym. did i mention my car is broken again. i got home friday night and smelled coolant and rubber. i always check the car on saturdays. when i got out there, there was a puddle of coolant on the groud. grrr. i tried to look under to see if i could find the hose i'm pretty sure it was from, i couldn't find it. it wasn't the top hose, so i'm pretty sure it must have been the bottom one. but i just had that one changed a few months ago. so i don't know. i just had the radiator replaced a few months ago. i was driving a while back and the car started getting hot. when i checked, the coolant was low, so i put more in it. it's doing exactly what it was doing the last two times a hose broke. when i look on the internet, it says there is also a hose that goes to the waterpump, so i wonder if that's what it is. i hope that's what it is. it's at an age where all of the hoses are starting to corrode and wear out. the belts probably will, too. i can change the hoses, but i have no idea how to change a belt. i'd like to start learning how to do some of the stuff. we're watching "i love the 70s" of 1977. that is the year i was born. mittens keeps asking me, "remember that?" and i keep having to tell him no. 2008-01-06 9:10 p.m. i just feel so much sympathy for people who are mentally ill. like a lot of my students. they didn't do anything, they were just born that way. i think of one student in particular, and he really moves me. he's just so dangerous and sick. i don't think he enjoys being that way and i don't think he knows he needs to get better. 2008-01-04 9:08 p.m. oh man. poor britney spears. i'm really sad for her. 2008-01-04 8:05 p.m. man, lindsey lohand is such a ho! 2008-01-01 7:58 p.m. i haven't gone anywhere near the wart remover stuff. i also failed to hang up my coat when i got home. these aren't broken resolutions, they are hurdles to overcome. right. 2008-01-01 6:01 p.m. mittens is the very best. when i say something to him like, "put ed wood on our netflix, i'd like to watch it again," he does it right then. no waiting, just bam. it's all set up. he's willing to stop what he's doing just to put that on the list for me. thanks mittens. 2008-01-01 5:04 p.m. dang it. i'd really like to grow. i don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about how short i am, but when i do think about it, i don't like it. i don't like it that i'm shorter than everyone else. that bothers me. 2008-01-01 4:48 p.m. i've never stopped believing that i am going to grow a few more inches. just three. i'd like to just grow three more inches. that would make me just shy of 5'5". that's all i want. 2008-01-01 3:23 p.m. today is the day i start getting rid of this wart finally! and today is the day i start hanging up my coat when i get home. that's about all today is good for. i have to be back at work tomorrow. suxor. 2008-01-01 9:39 p.m. i haven't washed my hair for the last week. i've only bathed one time in the last eight days. uh, also, i haven't shaved since christmas day. i've been brushing my teeth at least. also, i've been to the gym five out of the last seven days. 2007-12-31 9:32 p.m. mittens has never, ever, in the time we've been together to make me think he might be even a little bit gay. until just now when he showed how a gymnist does his arms when he lands. that was just a tiny bit gay on my boyfriend. 2007-12-31 4:21 p.m. i'm going to wax my upper lip now. that would be a good way to start the new year. 2007-12-31 10:40 p.m. i haven't done anything today. that was my plan. i got up at about 10. went to the bagel world and got some bagels and coffees. cooked some eggs to eat with our bagels then came upstairs and did nothing from about 11:30 until 7:30 when mittens called me down for dinner. i did the dishes. now i am doing nothing again. it's awesome. it must be so nice to be a cat and do nothing. one christmas, mittens' grandmother and her friend were talking about friends of theirs who had died. they were so matter-of-fact about it. it was so strange to me to hear them talk about it because they were okay with it. that's so strange to me. 2007-12-30 6:55 p.m. seriously, if mittens tells me one more time that he's not going to eat something until he sees it, i'm going to stop cooking all together. i'm making pizza tonight and just now there was this: me: do you want sausage on your pizza? mittens: i don't know i'll have to see it. me: you want to see if there are fennel seeds in the sausage? mittens: yes. me: it's the same sausage we eat all the time. why do you need to check it? mittens: oh, it's the stuff we eat for breakfast? me: yeah. mittens: oh, then yeah, i'll have it on my pizza. this guy doesn't stop with being picky with his food. i love the guy to death, but he's a picky fucking eater. 2007-12-29 10:34 a.m. the old roommate who had this room where i'm sitting used to leave the air conditioner in the window all year long. birds used to build nests on the air conditioner. just now, a bird flew into the window and tried to land. i think it was a bird looking for its home. we've destroyed it. raoul heard it fluttering around up there. he meowed and i opened the blind for him. he was so happy, but soon, the bird was gone. such is life raoul. such is life. 2007-12-28 8:46 p.m. i got a big book about the aztecs, a tuxedo cat calendar and a wireless mouse. mittens got a new coat, a new hat and some bottles of wine. i took my car to the shop today to replace the used distributer i had put in it last month with a new one. that is why i don't like to gamble. that's about all. 2007-12-26 8:33 p.m. you know how people say 30 is the new 20. i don't like that. i feel like my age issues are minimized by that. i feel like it's saying, "30 isn't that bad. your life is just beginning." my life isn't just beginning. and i'm having all of these things happen that never happened before. my eyes are getting bad. and i can't remember things like i used to. i used to never forget any information, but now i forget things all of the time. i just cringe every time i think about it. 2007-12-22 4:36 a.m. i'm really happy they are making these self extinguishing cigarettes these days. and that the government is making laws about mattresses having to be fire retardant. when i was about six or seven, my grandmother died because she fell asleep while smoking a cigarette in bed. the whole house burned down and my grandfather wasn't able to get her out in time. my mom, of course being the insensitive nut that she is, wouldn't let me go to the funeral. all of the cousins got to go, but i had to sit my aunt dee's house. i remember my cousins who were about the same age being all dressed up while i wore my jeans and tshirt. i remember playing outside with them and trying to make a hole in the dirt. i think they got yelled at for being out there in their nice clothes. i think i got yelled at to for making a whole in the ground. 2007-12-21 4:33 a.m. i am up at 4:33 this morning because i can't sleep. this sucks. i've been having trouble sleeping for about the last week and a half. 2007-12-21 8:26 p.m. enough with the snow already. i mean really, we've gotten close to three feet over the last week, including about 6 inches today. plus, a plow went down our street and blocked our driveway. have i ever written about how much i just adore tony danza. i think he is just such a nice guy. like, you can just tell he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. i don't think he's hawt or anything (that is still reserved for benicio del toro), i just like him. 2007-12-20 8:59 p.m. the book "the unbearable lightness of being" might be taking the place of "huckleberry finn" as my favorite book. the song "fell in love with a girl" might be taking the place of "wonderwall" as my favorite song. no, never. 2007-12-19 7:53 p.m. have you heard the new britney spear song? it's pretty good. she looks good in the video. i say good for her for having something right. good for her. 2007-12-18 8:18 p.m. more snow. wednesday evening and night. please let us have thursday off. 2007-12-17 8:23 p.m. mittens just called me out of the shower to watch "monster-in-law." i can't believe someone thought this movie was a good idea. that someone thought this movie would be a good idea makes me nervous and worry for the future of the human race. 2007-12-16 8:18 p.m. i remembered in the shower just now that my resolution from last year was to be persistent enough to get rid of this wart. this year, it's for real. 2007-12-16 7:57 a.m. my new years resolution for this year is to finally get rid of this wart. i'm going to be persistent enough about it and keep the stuff on it all of the time until it's really gone, gone, gone. that is my plan. will you support me? 2007-12-16 7:55 a.m. more snow. did you know i hate the snow? but i also love it because it means more days off work. how i love days off work. i need to go wax my upper lip now. 2007-12-16 7:48 p.m. even though mittens tried to hate on my italien recipe, he still loves me. you know how i know? because he cleared off the table before we ate tonight. he knows that i'm not happy sitting at a dinner table unless it is completely clear. and tonight he cleared it for me while i cooked the fajitas. aren't i lucky? 2007-12-15 5:05 p.m. when i first went to mittens' auntie phyllis' house, we had these delicious roles of meat that had braised in a red sauce and had eggs in them. i didn't know what they were except that they were delicious. finally, i was able to get mittens to get me the recipe. i call them "those meat roles," but i guess they are really called "braciole." according to the internet, they are a tradition of southern italian cooking. so i made them today. here are the pictures: first, i put out all of the ingredients: sandwich steak, boiled eggs, salami, breadcrumbs, cheese and garlic powder. then, you just layer them all on: 1. steak 2. salami 3. boiled egg slices 4. cheese i used asiago and romano. 5. bread crumbs 6. garlic powder you have to pin them closed. i got a splinter. after that, you fry them. last, you cook them in sauce. i'm just going to put them in the sauce for a few days. then, when i'm ready to eat, i'll pull them out of the fridge and heat them up. also, mittens is a hater and had me make his WITHOUT salami. hater. 2007-12-15 8:48 a.m. i ordered some adult clothes. boooo. okay, so those shoes aren't all grown up, but i can't help it. they are so cute and i've been waiting for them to be on clearance at a super cheap price for a long time. they were only $8. that's as cheap as they'll go. and that belt was only $4. so anyway, i got $290 worth of clothes for $85 plus $16 for shipping. why? because i'm awesome. duh. 2007-12-14 8:18 a.m. i'm shopping on line. i'm finding all of these really great clothes that i love. and then i realize that i'm too old to be wearing them. a few weeks ago at work i had on my regular clothes. a guy told me i looked like i was in high school. that upset me because i know he meant i should be dressing more maturely. i'm upset. 2007-12-14 9:18 p.m. fuck this city! 2007-12-13 7:34 p.m. man, i'm not going to lie, brad pitt is a gorgeous man. 2007-12-09 7:23 p.m. somebody drove across our front lawn last night. it had to have happened before 3:30a when we got home. i'm glad they didn't crash into our house, but i really love when we have excitement like that in our lives. i wish we'd been home. 2007-12-09 1:42 p.m. i've always hated fergie. but you know who i really hate? katherine heigl. that woman is famous for no real reason. and her mouth is just, yuck! we went out last night. it was good but toooo cold. it was nice to see aarne and breaux. they both make me laugh! they both need to stop invading my personal space, whether intentional or not. 2007-12-09 9:08 p.m. so i'm dealing with the first divorce of a friend. i mean, i've known people who've gotten divorced, but never a friend. this is so strange to me. 2007-12-04 9:00 p.m. i really think you can tell stevie nicks is a bitch just by looking at her. 2007-12-04 7:50 p.m. even though i've had to swallow my pride and finally enjoying the who, i will never, ever, ever ever ever, not for my life ever like queen. sorry. 2007-12-03 7:44 p.m. fuck you you fucking cunt bitch piece of shit copy machine lady. it is not my job to fix the copy machine. it is your job. i am sorry i don't have time to stop and talk to you every time the copy machine jams. i do not have time to listen to a full dissertation on the correct weight of paper to buy. i bought the fucking paper you told me to buy. i'm not buying different paper. fuck you lady. 2007-12-03 8:48 p.m. i wonder if my sister has told her kids they have an aunt. i wonder what kinds of horrible things she will tell them about about me. i wonder what they will think when they finally meet me. i feel really bad for them having her as a mother. she's one of those people who would tell her kids that she's the only one on earth who loves them. she's a horrible, horrible person. 2007-12-02 8:42 p.m. it's snowing enough to annoy me. but not enough for school to be cancelled tomorrow. boooo. 2007-12-02 9:50 a.m. oscar threw up in the bed at about 3:00 this morning. i had to get up and clean it. gross. 2007-12-02 9:14 p.m. i don't care if my mom ends up spending the rest of her life with this other woman, kathy. she'll never be a parent to me. 2007-12-01 5:51 p.m. can i brag for just a minute? i went for my second meeting at the gym. i lost only a pound and a half, which is not a big deal since i'm not focusing on loosing pounds. but listen to this: i've been trying to get my body fat percentage into the healthy range. i was at about 35% last month when i had my first meeting. the health range is below 33%. guess where i was when we tested it today. 32.9%! i did it! yeah. go me. this is especially good since i've had two pieces of cake with my dinner every night since tuesday. this is the first time i've been in the healthy range for at least 15 years. also good is that i'm getting closer to my second goal. i'm trying to get into a size 12. i'm still in a 14, but a 14 is getting a little big on me. my long term goal is a size 10. but right now, i'm really focusing on a size 12. i think i'm only about a month away and if i don't let the holidays get to me, hopefully by the end of january i will be comfortable in a size 12. by the end of the school year, my goal is to be in a size 10. that means i'll be able to shop at stores like the forever 21 and the h&m. and when i go to the d.e.b. i won't have to shop in the plus sizes any more. and target. meh, fuck target. they hate fat people. my shoulders are probably still to broad to fit in any of their tops anyway. 2007-12-01 8:36 p.m. this sucks!!! 2007-11-29 7:42 p.m. i'm handling today rather well. mittens wrote "happy birthday jodie" on a cake for me and cooked me liver and onions for dinner. yum. he bought me a book that i can't wait to read and some stickers for work. he bought me a card that turned out to be the same card i bought for him. it was good. but still...30? uhg. 2007-11-27 7:28 p.m. can someone please explain to my why there might be a rule that says you cannot buy yourself a birthday cake? 2007-11-26 9:00 p.m. i was kind of starting too feel birthday-y. i was at the store and i bought a cake for $2.50. i got home and said to mittens, "i bought a birthday cake. he said, "i was going to make you one on thursday." i said, "really, my birthday is on tuesday." he said, "no it's not, really?" i told him yes but he didn't believe me. i said, "the 27th." he still didn't believe me. he tried to cover and say he knew the date and was going to make it whenever that date was but that he thought it was thursday. i'm feeling even less birthday-y than before. i feel like shit in general. 2007-11-24 5:45 p.m. for years now i've been trying to find a good knee high boot. i haven't been able to find one i like though. it's like the search for the holy grail or something. either they make my feet look even bigger or they are too tight in the leg or whatever. i'm ready to give up but i have a dress i'd like to have them for. 2007-11-23 10:40 p.m. i got the very best news while i was in oklahoma city. i asked my mom if devil sister is sending her kids to private school since devil sister always swore she would never, ever send her kids to public school. my mom told me that devil nephew is going to public school. when i asked her if devil sister had changed her mind, my mom mumbled that devil nephew hadn't gotten into any of the private schools devil sister applied for. how happy it makes me that devil sister wants to be hoity-toity but she can't! 2007-11-22 9:31 p.m. this fucking wart is a cocksucker!!!!! 2007-11-21 8:09 p.m. so my car ended up costing $510. suxor. 2007-11-20 6:19 p.m. raoul ran outside. he stopped at the end of the cemented area and i picked him up. i put him down when we got inside and i chided him, saying, "see, it's too cold for a cat to good outside." he ran around and hobbled on his right foot. mittens said he was worried about it. we looked and it was wet. i picked up him and carried him around like a child. i said to mittens, "get a washcloth and put some warm water on it. we can clean it off." raoul was calm in my arms while mittens while mittens wiped it clean. he cleaned it and wiped it mostly dry. we put raoul down and he quickly into the living room. he came upstairs and is now taking a cat rest. i hope he feels secure and like we love him and that we will take care of him. i really think it was a bonding experience for raoul and mittens. 2007-11-18 4:46 p.m. thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. 2007-11-18 6:38 p.m. i got season two of spaceghost coast to coast in the mail today!!! 2007-11-17 6:27 p.m. how amazing these pickled eggs are!!! 2007-11-17 5:59 p.m. my car is in the shop again. mittens tells me i should buy a new one. i can't really afford to buy a new one. booo on cars breaking down. i just ho